Waiting in the Wings . . .

Carla slowly turned around as she took in her new surroundings.  She stood in a stark white enclosed room bordered by innumerable doors.  Each door gleamed a different color, and a small sign labeled the contents therein.  Career.  Family.  School.  Travel.  Couch Potato.  Leech.  Hole In Sand.  Party Lights.  Cardboard Box.  Childhood.  Friends.  Alternate Life.  The choices seemed endless as she continued to swivel in her comfortable chair.  So this is it.  This is where my future is decided.  How do I know which door to choose?
A gentle voice behind her caused her to jump up.  "You don't know.  Alone, all you can do is guess.  Each door leads to a possible future.  Whether it is your next destination on the eternal plan, you cannot know without help."
Carla was positive she hadn't spoken aloud, but she turned towards the voice and asked, "What is this help?"  She raised her hand to shield her eyes from the shining light and called out, "I can't see you.  How do I know you're there?"
"You have other senses than sight, have you not?  Senses that course through your entire being beyond the simple external five.  What do these senses tell you?"

Carla closed her eyes for a moment, trying to discern the deeper trust in her faith of the divine.  "That You exist.  That You are here with me even though I cannot see Your face.  And that You are the answer to all of my troubles.  Please.  Tell me what to do."
She felt rather than saw His smile as He said, "Carla, my child, it is simple.  Follow Me.  That is what you must do."
Her heart sank as she complained, "But what should I do specifically?  Which of these doors opens onto the next step for my path?  How do I decide?"
"Talk it out for Me, and you will realize the answer you have always had within your soul."
"But it would be so much easier if You would just tell me."
"Since when has My way been about the easy way out?" He admonished her.
Carla bowed her head in submission.  She rubbed her temples and began to work it out.  "I suppose the first step is discernment of your vocation.  Check.  Mine's marriage and motherhood.  But I can't just jump through the Family door.  I haven't even got the meager beginnings of my own as of yet."
"Correct so far.  This room, then, is the 'waiting' room.  It is where you discover what your purpose on life is between childhood and fulfilling your vocation."
"How long am I stuck in this interim?"  He did not answer.  "I suppose that's for You to know and me to find out."  Again she felt His smile and groaned inwardly.  I always knew He had a strange sense of humor.  But she stopped because she remembered how He could read her thoughts.  "Ok.  So I have to decide, or rather discover, what my interim singlehood is for."  Carla sat back down and tucked her knees under her chin.  The door choices swirled before her closed eyes as she tried to figure out the correct decision.  "I don't know!" she finally cried out.  "At least, I can't know without Your help.  Please help me!"  Her prayer for guidance did not go unanswered.
"All you need do is trust My path and stay alert for the signs which I will send.  They will guide you through the days ahead."
"But how will I know what these signs are?" Carla asked, but she received no answer.  Trial and error, I suppose.  Mixed with a bit of prayer and a large helping of faith.  The next time she opened her eyes, Carla was in her bed once more.  A car horn blew outside as birds heralded the new day.  As she prepared for work, her dream played over in her mind.  "Fine," she whispered.  "I'll try to watch."  As she ran out the door, Carla had no idea how much faith in God's plan could change her life.

Today's post is stolen partially from another blog post I wrote years ago . . . but as I read through it, I find myself going through the same thought processes today as I was back then.  I'm closer to fulfilling my vocation, but as a friend gently reminded me, my focus on that fact is blinding me to appreciating and soaking up the moments of here and now.  I'm getting married in three weeks, and already my brain is stressing about how we're going to afford the huge family we hope to have.  My resolution today (and my challenge to all of you) is to love your life where you're at.  To live each day to the fullest.  To let the ones who matter to you know how much you care.  And not to waste away your present worrying about the future.  

How Feminism Destroyed the Traditional Family

"We swapped a society where women could be full-time mothers--a role many found fulfilling and satisfying--for one that fuels consumerism and clogs our roads with second cars on the drive to school, where spoiled children, buried under mountains of toys they can't be bothered to play with, watch suggestive TV shows in their lonely bedrooms. And we have this partly because the equality feminists forced us to believe that motherhood was parasitic, the housewife a leech." ~ James Tooley

There are so many things wrong with society today . . . enough to write multiple volumes . . . but don't worry.  I won't try to cram all of them into a single post.  I was reading back through old papers from my college days, and I ran across the quote above in a paper I wrote on how the mass entrance of women into the workforce during WWII coupled with the rise of radical feminism accounts for a large part of why our modern society is so messed up.  This post is the short version.

Women entering the workforce en masse in WWII helped the American economy stay afloat while our men were off fighting.  In no way is this a condemnation or a sneer at their gallant efforts.  In fact, the number of women in the workforce "rose from 14,600,000 in 1941 to 19,370,000 in 1944." Allan M. Winkler, Home Front U.S.A.: America During World War II.  These women in the workforce were a great aid during WWII as they filled the empty jobs left by the men called to be soldiers.  Furthermore, the women who worked during WWII still understood that their most important role was as wife and mother, and society as a whole supported this understanding.  "When the period of postwar adjustment comes, and their men come home . . . you will see women returning naturally to their homes."  Allan M. Winkler, Home Front U.S.A.: America During World War II.

During the war, the Children's Bureau worried that "group care for children under two would cause 'slower mental development, social ineptness, weakened initiative, and damage to the child's capacity . . . to form satisfactory relationships.'"  Allan M. Winkler, Home Front U.S.A.  Society understood at the time that "[b]abies need not to be taught a trade, but to be introduced to a world. To put the matter shortly, woman is general shut up in a house with a human being at the time when he asks all the questions that there are, and some that there aren't."  G. K. Chesterton, What's Wrong With the World.  The majority of women gladly and willingly returned to their hearth and home and family. 

Sadly, there were women who resented their expulsion from the workforce at the end of WWII, which built up over the next few decades and eventually ruptured into the Women's Liberation Movement, a movement that desired total equality of men and women in society, and many of the changes desired were just and good.  However, what these equity feminists failed to realize were the "real and obvious differences between men and women."  Walter J. Schu, The Splendor of Love.  They failed to recognize what society knew it needed to survive - that "Man was created and equipped to provide for and to protect his family--his wife and children.  Woman was created to bear and nurture the children."  Dee Jepsen, Women: Beyond Equal Rights.  These feminists treated the mother's role as parasitic and fought tooth and nail for equality in the workforce, defending their office "with all the fierceness of domesticity."  G. K. Chesterton, What's Wrong With the World.  At the root, these feminists sought to overthrow the norms of society and essentially become men, completely losing sight of their own unique, special, and necessary role in the home as wife and mother.  

As women rejected the home and obstinately remained in the workforce, their children left the home to be taken care of by others.  This resulted in a decline in the intellect and morality of each successive generation (as evidenced today by the state of marriage; the rise of divorce; abortion; morality; etc.).  If women do not raise their children, the family life and morality will suffer a permanent decline.  As women fought to demonstrate they could do it all, men lost their motivation to provide and protect their women.  The advocate of the single, working mother was the enemy of the traditional family.  When women were told they could do it all without a man, the men were listening too.  And this is what they heard: "Men aren't necessary. Women can do it alone.  Women and children are usually better off without men.  Breadwinning oppresses women and children.  Marriage and breadwinning can be hard.  Why do it, if you are only oppressing the ones you love?" Maggie Gallagher.  

As women rejected the family in pursuit of their career, they also rejected their children, which led to the rise in abortion and the use of birth control.  Feminists painted children as feminism's "biggest enemies."  Kate O'Beirne, Women Who Make the World Worse.  They argued that "the battle of the sexes can't be won unless women make war on the tiniest enemies of their independence."  Id.  These radical feminists view abortion rights as a necessity because they believe that the unique gift of being able to conceive, bear, and give birth to new human beings is merely a symbol of the inferiority of women to men.  They refuse to acknowledge that without women bearing and raising children, society would collapse.  "Children need their mothers.  Children need time with their mothers.  The bonding and emotional ties that develop between them affect children's personalities, attitudes, and values--greatly influencing the shaping of their character."  Dee Jepsen, Women: Beyond Equal Rights.  The mother has the most influence over the children during their most impressionable years, and yet the radical feminists managed to take that beautiful and noble role and twist it into something to be despised and feared.

In our modern society, where the traditional family is constantly attacked and abused, it is our duty to return to the roots of a traditional family.  To build up the women who are mothers and wives in our life.  To praise the role of mother and emphasize the immense responsibility and honor that role brings.  And similarly, we need to raise up the men who are fathers and husbands.  To encourage them in their providing for their families.  To praise them for their devotion and protection.  And to the children, we owe this debt.  To raise them in a world where the family is respected and revered.  Where a mother can choose to stay at home with her children without being questioned by society at large.  Where a father can support his family on a sole income and not receive flack from society for letting his wife stay at home with their children.

Marriage Losing to the Wedding?

I'm 40 days out from my wedding, and yes, there are dozens (well, maybe A dozen) of things left to take care of before the "BIG DAY".  And yet as I sit here trying to check everything off my list, I find myself saddened by the fact that so much emphasis is placed on the WEDDING and none on the MARRIAGE that follows.

I am blessed that my Catholic faith requires extensive marriage preparation before the Church will allow us to be married.  This marriage preparation is essential to addressing and confirming that both future spouses understand the teachings of the Church, the struggles and temptations they will face in their married life, and how they can fight the good fight against the Devil.  As G. K. Chesterton so aptly put it, 

Marriage is a duel to the death which no man of honour should decline.

The family is the foundation of all society, and marriage is the battleground of the family.  The Devil wants to see the world tumble around our heads, and he is cunning.  He doesn't strike the strong, stalwart defenses.  He looks for the cracks in our armor.  The wounds or chinks that leave an opening, however small, for him to slip in.  This is why couples MUST prepare for their marriage continually.  This preparation is absolutely more important than the perfect wedding.  A wedding is one day.  Yes, it is an important day since it is the day you and your future spouse stand up in front of God and your loved ones and declare your fidelity to one another.  It is the day that your souls are knit together and bound for life.  It is the beginning of your marriage, but it is only one day.  Your marriage is the rest of your life.  

If we kept things in perspective, we'd do better at preparing for marriage and not just our wedding.  And right there, that's where the devil sneaks in . . . even before you're married.  He's in your head raising questions about wedding details and stressing you out about guest lists and finances.  Anything to keep you distracted from the fact that you're getting MARRIED and to keep you from preparing your defenses so that you can have a holy and sacred marriage.  

My fiance and I have been attending our marriage preparation meetings with our priest for 6 months.  During those sessions, we've discussed various issues including birth control, the roles of the parents, discipline, children, finances, religion, economics, and so much more.  We read Casti Connubbi and are working our way through Three to Get Married by Fulton J. Sheen (there will be posts on those soon).  We have been doing a holy hour once a week together where we pray for ourselves, for each other, for our marriage preparation, and for our married life.  I cherish this time together because it continues to build the rock solid spiritual foundation that will get us through those rough times that inevitably arise since we are fallen human beings in a world constantly under attack.

As we enter our 40 days before marriage, we've mutually decided to increase our zeal and vigor in preparation for marriage during these last 6 weeks.  As the wedding preparation stress heightens, our reliance on prayer shall increase.  Prayer and preparation during this "Lenten" journey of ours will help us keep perspective on what truly matters.  In the grand scheme of life on earth and our Heavenly goal, it doesn't matter if the food doesn't taste exquisite, if the guests don't RSVP, if the flowers go flat, if the stress multiplies tenfold for no reason.

Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the church; however, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. ~ Ephesians 5:21-33

This is our guide - the battle plan for marriage.  It is the rule for our lives as husband and wife.  If we follow it faithfully, God's blessings and grace will strengthen us in our fight against the Devil.

If you are preparing for marriage yourself, or you know someone who is, I encourage you to ponder the gravity, mystery, and wonder of what you've decided to enter into.  Marriage is not a picnic.  It is not a walk in the park.  It is a struggle and a harrowing journey, and you will not emerge without being changed.  But it is a beautiful, joyous, and wonderful change.  And the struggles lighten when you place God at the center of your marriage and take His scriptures and teachings as your guide.   

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? ~ Psalms 27:1

Recipe Corner - Chicken Parmesan Zucchini Boats

Everyone tries to eat healthy.  To avoid fattening foods.  To ban delicious starches from their lives.  But too often we have the idea that eating healthy = eating tasteless food substances.  In my quest for healthy eating, I have often struggled with the battle against the starches (which is especially difficult given my O blood type).  Wheat, potato, corn, etc. are all incredibly harmful to my body, and they make it very difficult to lose weight.  So my quest for recipes that are practically starch free AND tasty began.  I'm a huge Pinterest fan, and I probably spend too much time on there.  BUT they have an incredible array of recipes that are easy to follow and easily adaptable (when necessary) to my dietary restrictions.  One such recipe is the Chicken Parmesan Zucchini Boats that I made for the first time this past Monday.

I adapted the recipe (found here) slightly (since I couldn't find ground chicken at my local Trader Joe's), but the dish came out incredibly tasty.  And you can even make it dairy-free by using dairy-free cheese!

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.  

Cook your chicken in a skillet (either ground chicken or chicken tenders/breasts).  I used chicken tenders and then chopped them up once they were done cooking.  

Sprinkle in some salt, pepper, and garlic and cook for a few minutes before mixing in the pasta sauce.  You can use whatever sauce you prefer - experiment!  Try sauce with mushrooms or peppers.  If there's anything I've learned since trying to eat more in line with my blood type, it's to take chances and try new things when cooking.  That's the only way I've been able to basically eating meat and vegetables for dinner every night appetizing and exciting.

In the meantime, halve your zucchini and scrape out the innards (think back to your Halloween pumpkin carving days).  Place your newly crafted zucchini boats in a greased 9x13 pan.  

Once you've finished cooking the chicken mixture, spoon it into your zucchini boats and top with parmesan cheese and mozzarella (as much or as little as you desire.)  Cover the pan with tin foil, slide it into your oven, and cook for 35 minutes.

While waiting for your zucchini boats to finish baking, ponder the following question: which came first?  The chicken or the egg?

When the timer goes off, you will gladly set aside your philosophical musings to taste the delicious dinner you've made instead.  Wait for the boats to cool slightly before serving.  You can top them with more parmesan cheese or freshly diced basil.  Serve and enjoy!

If you try this recipe, share your stories in the comments!  And if you have more recipes like this, share them!  I'm planning to adapt this recipe in many ways, including a tasty steak and peppers mix as well as a fish with peppers and sauce.  If you're looking for more tasty recipes (especially gluten-free ones) and can't wait until my next post, check out my Pinterest boards on gluten-free recipes, meal planning, and meals I've tried (and actually liked).

Four Years Later

“The greatest saints, those richest in grace and virtue will be the most assiduous in praying to the most Blessed Virgin, looking up to her as the perfect model to imitate and as a powerful helper to assist them.”
--Saint Louis Marie de Montfort

It's been four years since my last post.  Law school doesn't really cater to posts on raising children and preparing for a family.  But that's about to change.  I'm blessed to be marrying the love of my life in just 52 days (yes, I have a countdown), and I am so excited to see where God leads us on our path as a family.  I look forward with anticipation to the many, many, many children with which we hope God blesses us.  The thought of running a household, meal planning, and fulfilling my vocation to be a wife and mother thrills me and fills my heart with joy.  And, as my mother has often told me, pursue the things that give you joy.

In an effort to resurrect this blog (and give my brain a chance to exercise its creative outlet), I'm committing to at least one post a week.  Developing that habit may take time . . . and I'll probably slip up from time to time.  But I've been learning over the past few months that developing a good habit is always a good goal, and we just have to keep going and trying.  The true success is not the one who does not fail but the one who gets up when they have fallen.  And since this blog is a confessions of a type, it will ramble across the days of my life . . . from recipes I've tried to struggles I'm facing to glimpses into my little family life.

To anyone who chooses to follow this life of mine, I extend my thanks.  I hope not to bore you, and aspire to inspire or encourage you.  This is my journal.  The record of my life as a wife and mother.  To all mothers out there, I commend you for your task is of the utmost necessity and worthy of the greatest respect.  To families out there, I urge you to stay together.  To fight against our modern age of divorce, separation, and sorrow.  It isn't easy . . . believe you me, I'm well aware.  But good things become that much more precious when we struggle to attain them.

Sandcastles

I have come to the realization that having a sand pit at the local pool is an excellent idea.  When the mandatory break whistle is blown, it gives the kids a spot to play vs. just sitting around.  And it provides a welcome alternative to the constant swimming and splashing.  Plus, it's almost like going to the beach!

I have very fond memories of building elaborate sand castles on the beach during our summer vacations.  We dug moats and built towers.  The best part was the "drip" castles.  To make your own drip castle, take some rather watery sand in your hands.  Then just let it drip through your fingers to wherever your castle should be.  It can become quite an art as you create tiny turrets and spires.

Of course, I also went to the beach with just my sisters.  Very rarely were we joined by a boy, and when we were, he helped build the castles.  My experience today is that little boys prefer destroying the castles rather than building them.  Which is perfectly fine and entertaining.  :)

If You Want To Lose Something . . .

. . . give it to a crawling baby.  Whether it's your keys, your phone, or the vacuum cleaner attachments, they will mysteriously disappear if you don't keep both of your eyes on them.  Luckily, you can call your phone and search by sound (unless it is on vibrate.)  And keys generally come with a spare you'd be wise to keep somewhere safe (but don't forget where.)  But alas, vacuums only come with one of each attachment.  If your child has thrust an accessory somewhere unknown, there is a way to clean those difficult places (stairs, baseboards, etc.) without the vacuum extension.  Simply find a stiff scrub brush and acquaint your hands and knees with the floor.  Then, manually brush the carpet.  You may feel like a modern Cinderella, but it gets the job done.  I once "swept" my dining room carpet with a brush and dustpan.  It worked wonders.

I fail to see the logic in silencing a crying child with a valuable or important object.  Especially if you're a more absent-minded person.  I know keys jingle and phones light up and make noise when you push buttons, but they're not children's toys.  Besides if your 2-yr. old pushes the wrong buttons, your phone can become an uncontrollable mess with numerous additions to your monthly bill.  If you must give keys and phones to your little ones, give them actual toys.  Plastic keys and phones are colorful and entertaining.  If you must provide the "real deal," create a keychain just for the kids.  Use old keys etc. so that your necessary keys don't risk being lost in the great abyss.  Unless, of course, you have the money to throw about replacing missing keys and phones.  In that case, get your kids their own toy keys and send the money you'll save to me.  :)  Or to your child's savings account.  It's never too early to start saving for college (which gets more expensive every year.)


One final note: if you insist on letting your kids play with important items, teach them how to find missing things as soon as possible.  Help them identify the objects so that they know what they are looking for.  And try to think like a little kid when you go searching yourself.  Don't be afraid to dive beneath the sofa cushions or behind the dresser drawers.