The Presence of Grace

It's been an eventful first week of marriage.  To those of you expecting Ireland honeymoon photos, please be patient.  That honeymoon got postponed until later this year.  But let me start at the beginning.

I married my amazing husband 11 days ago, and every day since then has been utterly blessed.  The Tridentine Rite wedding ceremony is simply beautiful and filled with prayers and preparation for married life.  Followed by a Sung High Mass, everything was absolutely perfect.  The entire day went smoothly, and I know God's grace was helping in that area.

The day after the wedding, my husband and I were packing for our honeymoon to Ireland when I received a phone call from my father.  My paternal grandfather had just passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack.  I fully believe it was God's grace that let me know before I was halfway around the world.  And it was God's grace that revived my grandfather after he was declared dead so that he could say goodbye to my grandmother.

Needless to say, I was in shock.  He was the first grandparent I lost, and I didn't quite know what to do.  Part of me felt we should dutifully go on the honeymoon we had booked, but my amazing husband took one look at me and said "We're cancelling the honeymoon."  In a matter of minutes, he had called the airline, explained the circumstances, and got them to allow us to reschedule our flight for later in the year.  Shortly thereafter, I had cancelled all of the reservations and rentals (and received full refunds, even from the people who wouldn't normally give out a refund).  I was truly touched at how kind and understanding the people I worked with were.

Since we already had the week off from work, we took a roundabout drive to get to the funeral - including a few awesome stops along the way.  I got to meet my friends' new baby (born on my wedding day), show my husband Christendom College (where I went to undergrad), and visit his hometown.  And throughout it all, he was kind, warm, and supportive.  And again, God's grace allowed us the exact time we needed to visit all of the places and meet all the people - it was an incredible trip to take with my husband as we jaunted back into our individual histories.

When we finally arrived at the funeral, I was ready to grieve.  And I'm so grateful that my husband encouraged and supported me to go to the funeral instead of Ireland.  I gained such closure and comfort from actually being there.  And more stories of grace - cousins making flights they should have missed; siblings surviving missing school; family coming together in love and support.  Seeing all of my dad's family together was a moving and wonderful sight.

After the funeral, we celebrated my grandfather's life in true family fashion - a loud, wonderful, crazy get-together at his old camp.  My husband soared far above my expectations and fit right in with my family.  We taught him to shoot a bow and arrow and how to play cards with my great uncles, and he filled our hearts and ears with joy from his fiddle.  My grandmother kept saying over and over how blessed she felt to have that music and how lucky I was to have found such a wonderful and good husband.  And she's right.

Our journey home was relatively uneventful, and we even got to stop and visit with his parents as well.  And, due to our early arrival, God gave me enough time to get our house in order before going back to work.  

I'll miss my grandfather, but I know it was God's timing and God's grace that planned out the events of the last weeks.  

A Sewing Experiment

By the time you're reading this post, I'll be blissfully enjoying my honeymoon in Ireland (and yes, there will be a post about my adventures there when I return).  In the meantime, I'm sharing my wedding dress experience . . . the good, the bad, and the ultimate triumph.

The Dress

I found my dream dress at a little boutique shop in South Florida . . . there aren't very many wedding dress shops on the west coast of Florida, and I didn't want to drive all the way to Miami or Tampa to go shopping.  So I was extremely blessed to find my dress at the first shop I went to.

I initially thought I wanted a dress that was all lace with a slight mermaid/A-line feel.  As you can see, I ended up with a more ballgown-esque dress . . . but as soon as I tried it on, I knew it was the one!  I loved all of the lace detailing (which I intend to use when I create baptismal gowns for my future children).  I also knew that the dress would need a few alterations: raise the neckline; add wider straps; bustle points; taken in at the sides.

The Alterations: Part One

A dear friend of mine offered to have a tailor friend of hers make a custom-tailored jacket for the ceremony (in a Catholic wedding in the Tridentine Rite, shoulders and back must be covered, and the bust line must be modest.)  Her tailor also took in the dress on the side, so it fit much better.  He also attempted to do the bustle points necessary; however, I ended up taking them out and redoing them myself.  

Here's why.  Her tailor used hook & eye clasps that didn't really blend with the dress and weren't very strong.  I bought some ivory buttons at JoAnn's and used the spaghetti straps from the dress to make the loops.  It took a few tries to get the bustle points in the right place . . . especially since I was trying the dress on myself, guesstimating where the points should go, and then testing my theory while the dress was hanging on my door.

I was quite pleased with the end result.  The buttons match the dress, and the loops blend into the train much better.  And I was no longer concerned that the bustle points would come detached during the reception if someone managed to step on my hemline.

My friend's tailor also made beautiful straps for the dress since I didn't want to wear the bolero for the entire reception.  However, Part Two of the alterations was fueled partially by my priest's request that I raise the neckline a bit more and partially because I felt extremely exposed with just the straps and nothing else on my back.

The Alterations: Part Two

I went back to the drawing board, brainstorming a way that I could make the neckline more modest without destroying the original charm of the sweetheart neckline.  As I was scouring Pinterest, I also began searching for a way to add a more "substantial" top to the dress since my back felt so exposed with just straps.

My final inspiration came from these gowns:

 

I also scoured the internet and Pinterest looking for a sample pattern for making such an illusion neckline, but to no avail.  Thanking my lucky stars that my mother taught me how to sew at a young age, I began sketching a prototype pattern.  Taking measurements of oneself is a tricky business, and I highly recommend having someone help you if you can.  If not, it's possible to do it yourself . . . just tricky.

Once I had my sketch in place, I went to JoAnn's with my wedding dress searching for a netting/tulle that matched the dress as closely as possible.  Again, I was extremely blessed to find an illusion fabric (on sale, no less!) that matched perfectly and lace that matched the appliques already on my dress.  Armed with my lace and several extra yards of tulle (in case of error on the first try), I returned home.

I taped together some blue gift wrapping tissue paper and drew out my pattern.  I fudged the neckline and the sleeves a bit, and I ended up tacking the sleeves a bit when sewing so that they lay flat.  The neckline ended up a bit wider than I anticipated, but overall I was pleased with the result.

 My next step was raising the neckline on the dress . . . specifically the dip of the sweetheart.  To do so, I found some beautiful lace that matched my dress and stitched it directly into the neckline.  I also tacked it to the illusion neckline once I was done stitching that into the dress proper.

After the neckline was fixed, I turned my attention to the illusion top.  I stitched the sides together and added the lace to the sleeves.  I had just enough lace to cover both sleeves, and by tacking the sleeves together a bit, I managed to make them lie flat against my shoulder rather than popping up in an unflattering manner.

The final embellishment was stitching a slim, ivory ribbon along the neckline.  One of my favorite things about working with tulle is that you don't need to hem it because it doesn't fray, which means I could have left the neckline plain.  But I wanted to give it a finished look, so I added the ribbon.  I was a little concerned about the flimsy fabric getting away from me, but it went much better than I anticipated.

Once I finished the neckline top, I began stitching it into the dress itself.  Again, more approximate measuring to make sure I stitched in the right place (this project would have been much easier with a sewing mannequin.)  When I finished adding the neckline to the dress, I was quite pleased with the end result.

I was extremely pleased with my end result.
The neckline looked like it was part of the original dress.

Don't mind the unfinished lacing . . . lacing up a wedding dress by oneself is extremely difficult . . . but you get the idea.

All told (since my friend generously paid for the initial alterations and bolero as a wedding gift) I spent about $40 and 5-10 hours on my personal alterations.  I know sewing isn't in everyone's bag of tricks, but with a little trial and error, you can do it!  And if you're budget-conscious, this is much more cost-effective than hiring a tailor or seamstress.  I anticipate posts in the future featuring more of my sewing experiments.

Have you done similar alterations?  Other sewing projects?  I'd love to hear about them in the comments!

The Hidden Cost of a Catholic Wedding

From the title of this post, you probably expect me to wax philosophically eloquent on the emotional roller coasters that planning a wedding brings and all of the drama and tears that go into the binding of two people into one.  While all of that is true, I'm going to focus rather on the unexpected monetary expenses that popped up while I was planning my wedding in hopes that future brides won't be caught off guard by the same costs.

So here's a list:

• Marriage License: You probably know that you need a marriage license in order to get married, but the cost may surprise you.  It's best to check your state's information and requirements for getting the marriage license sooner than later.  Ours ended up costing almost $100 (should have been $60 with a discount from the marriage prep classes we had to take, but the paperwork for that was by no means clear, so we ended up paying the full amount for the license).
• Pre-Cana Classes: As a Catholic, you're also likely aware that you're supposed to complete marriage preparation with your priest.  In addition to that, however, the diocese may require additional courses such as seminars on Life Skills or Sacramentality of Marriage.  These cost us $150 total and were the courses that were supposed to give us the $40 discount on the marriage license; however, the individual presenters weren't registered with the State, and the instructions on how to get the certificates verified to satisfy the State were unclear.
• Pre-Marital Inventory: This is essentially a compatibility test that most (if not all) dioceses require when you're getting married.  Typically, I believe, it occurs near the beginning of your marriage prep.  We didn't find out about it until two weeks before the wedding, so that was fun.  Another $25 fee and another test.  Not that expensive, but still unexpected (and when you're trying to keep your wedding as close to your $10k budget as possible, every penny counts).
• Priest's Fee:  It is customary to give the priest who performs your wedding a small gift/fee . . . the amount may be prescribed by your church or it may be up to  you.  Typically, at least $50.
• Altar Server gift: It is also customary and nice to give a small amount of money to the altar servers for your mass - $10 a piece is fine.  (Just keep in mind if you have 5+ servers, that adds up fast.)
• Thank You notes & postage: We all know we need to send thank yous for the gifts we receive at our wedding, but calculating the cost of the notes and postage into the wedding budget doesn't always make the list.
• Extra Seats at the Reception: As much as I wanted to submit a final number to the caterer and venue of ONLY the people who had actually responded they were coming by the deadline, my wonderful fiance convinced me to add an extra 8 people to the number for the inevitable people who find they can come at the last minute or who just haven't gotten around to responding.  And I'm so grateful he did . . . we already used 5 of those spots.  And the wedding is still 4 days away.

I could go on with all the aspects of planning an international honeymoon (airfare; car rental; car storage at the airport; hotels/bnbs; food; gas; souvenirs; touring), but I won't.  I hope this list helps any future brides or grooms with their wedding budgeting.  Good luck and stay positive!

Recipe Corner - Gluten-Free Paleo Flatbread

From my pizza days . . . back when I didn't care about eating wheat.

I really enjoy pizza . . . it's a comfort food.  With my O-blood type, however, "normal" pizza is absolutely out of the question as are most "gluten-free" options on the market (they typically include potato or corn of some variety - the only brand I've found so far without wheat, corn, OR potato is California Pizza Kitchen).  Regardless, let's just say it's very difficult to satisfy my pizza craving when pretty much my only option is making my own.  Not that I don't enjoy making my own pizza.  I really do enjoy that . . . worked as a pizza delivery girl/pizza maker for a few years in college.  But it's hard to find a pizza dough recipe that I can actually eat AND tastes good.  I found one on Thrive Market (it's made with tapioca flour and tastes pretty good.)  The one I'm going to share with you today works best if you cut it in small squares rather than large pieces . . . like a flatbread.

I adapted the recipe from this one for a Chicken Alfredo Flatbread.  First, mix together 1c. almond flour, 1 egg white, and 1/8 tsp. salt.
I was pleasantly surprised at how easily it turned into a dough ball with such little liquid.

Next, roll out the dough ball between two layers of parchment paper.  You'll want to make it pretty close to paper thin so that the thick flour will bake more crisply.  This dough recipe was originally a cracker recipe - I thought the original flatbread recipe crafter was pretty ingenious for combining recipes.  Bake the crust at 325 for 8 minutes.

Third, while your crust is baking, pick your toppings!  The original recipe was a Chicken Bacon Alfredo flatbread.  Given that pretty much all commercial alfredo sauce has corn or potato of some variety, I opted for a more traditional pizza.  But I did go with some spinach, tomatoes, and chicken.  And LOTS of mozzarella cheese.  It's the best!

Fourth, add your sauce to the rolled out dough.  Note that you leave the dough on one of the two pieces of parchment paper you used to roll out the dough.  Spread out your sauce and get ready for the fun part!

Fifth, add your toppings!  This looked pretty tasty, if I do say so myself.  Once you've added all of your toppings, broil it on high for 5 minutes or until the cheese is slightly golden.

And voila!  You have a wheat-free, potato-free, corn-free flatbread pizza!  You could even make it dairy-free by substituting a dairy-free cheese or nixing the cheese altogether!

I hope you try this recipe soon!  If you do, let me know how you like it in the comments section!

Recipe Corner - Spaghetti & Meatballs with a Twist

Spaghetti and meatballs.  Such a heart-warming dish.  Takes me back to Lady & the Tramp.

When I went gluten-free, however, spaghetti & meatballs became much more difficult.  If you've ever tried to substitute rice noodles for wheat noodles, you know what I'm talking about.  So the search was on for a tasty alternative.  Skeptical at first, I've come to absolutely love turning zucchini into noodles!  And here's the first part of today's recipe corner:

Noodles with a Twist

 One of the best (and most inexpensive) purchases I ever made for my kitchen collection was this handy tool.  You twist the food through it (squash; zucchini; cucumber; etc.), and it creates extremely long noodles!  Then all you need to do is fry them up in a pan with a little olive oil, add some seasonings and your sauce, and voila!  Spaghetti!

I chopped up mushrooms to mix in with the noodles and sauce. 

Once I mixed in the sauce, it looked and smelled amazing!

And then came part two: the meatballs.

I adapted the recipe from this phenomenal recipe from Bravo for Paleo.  I substituted ground turkey for the ground pork.  I would also in the future recommend increasing the amount of spices you include.  And potentially adding in some parmesan cheese if you so desire.  Bonus: these meatballs freeze extremely well!

First, blend together the meats and the spices by hand.  This part is sticky and squishy, but it's a lot of fun!

Next, roll the mixture into small balls and place on a cookie sheet covered with tin foil.  You'll bake them at 350 for 20 minutes.

Once your meatballs are finished, add them to your spaghetti and dig in!  Next time, I'm going to make more!  It was so delicious!

Waiting in the Wings . . .

Carla slowly turned around as she took in her new surroundings.  She stood in a stark white enclosed room bordered by innumerable doors.  Each door gleamed a different color, and a small sign labeled the contents therein.  Career.  Family.  School.  Travel.  Couch Potato.  Leech.  Hole In Sand.  Party Lights.  Cardboard Box.  Childhood.  Friends.  Alternate Life.  The choices seemed endless as she continued to swivel in her comfortable chair.  So this is it.  This is where my future is decided.  How do I know which door to choose?
A gentle voice behind her caused her to jump up.  "You don't know.  Alone, all you can do is guess.  Each door leads to a possible future.  Whether it is your next destination on the eternal plan, you cannot know without help."
Carla was positive she hadn't spoken aloud, but she turned towards the voice and asked, "What is this help?"  She raised her hand to shield her eyes from the shining light and called out, "I can't see you.  How do I know you're there?"
"You have other senses than sight, have you not?  Senses that course through your entire being beyond the simple external five.  What do these senses tell you?"

Carla closed her eyes for a moment, trying to discern the deeper trust in her faith of the divine.  "That You exist.  That You are here with me even though I cannot see Your face.  And that You are the answer to all of my troubles.  Please.  Tell me what to do."
She felt rather than saw His smile as He said, "Carla, my child, it is simple.  Follow Me.  That is what you must do."
Her heart sank as she complained, "But what should I do specifically?  Which of these doors opens onto the next step for my path?  How do I decide?"
"Talk it out for Me, and you will realize the answer you have always had within your soul."
"But it would be so much easier if You would just tell me."
"Since when has My way been about the easy way out?" He admonished her.
Carla bowed her head in submission.  She rubbed her temples and began to work it out.  "I suppose the first step is discernment of your vocation.  Check.  Mine's marriage and motherhood.  But I can't just jump through the Family door.  I haven't even got the meager beginnings of my own as of yet."
"Correct so far.  This room, then, is the 'waiting' room.  It is where you discover what your purpose on life is between childhood and fulfilling your vocation."
"How long am I stuck in this interim?"  He did not answer.  "I suppose that's for You to know and me to find out."  Again she felt His smile and groaned inwardly.  I always knew He had a strange sense of humor.  But she stopped because she remembered how He could read her thoughts.  "Ok.  So I have to decide, or rather discover, what my interim singlehood is for."  Carla sat back down and tucked her knees under her chin.  The door choices swirled before her closed eyes as she tried to figure out the correct decision.  "I don't know!" she finally cried out.  "At least, I can't know without Your help.  Please help me!"  Her prayer for guidance did not go unanswered.
"All you need do is trust My path and stay alert for the signs which I will send.  They will guide you through the days ahead."
"But how will I know what these signs are?" Carla asked, but she received no answer.  Trial and error, I suppose.  Mixed with a bit of prayer and a large helping of faith.  The next time she opened her eyes, Carla was in her bed once more.  A car horn blew outside as birds heralded the new day.  As she prepared for work, her dream played over in her mind.  "Fine," she whispered.  "I'll try to watch."  As she ran out the door, Carla had no idea how much faith in God's plan could change her life.

Today's post is stolen partially from another blog post I wrote years ago . . . but as I read through it, I find myself going through the same thought processes today as I was back then.  I'm closer to fulfilling my vocation, but as a friend gently reminded me, my focus on that fact is blinding me to appreciating and soaking up the moments of here and now.  I'm getting married in three weeks, and already my brain is stressing about how we're going to afford the huge family we hope to have.  My resolution today (and my challenge to all of you) is to love your life where you're at.  To live each day to the fullest.  To let the ones who matter to you know how much you care.  And not to waste away your present worrying about the future.  

How Feminism Destroyed the Traditional Family

"We swapped a society where women could be full-time mothers--a role many found fulfilling and satisfying--for one that fuels consumerism and clogs our roads with second cars on the drive to school, where spoiled children, buried under mountains of toys they can't be bothered to play with, watch suggestive TV shows in their lonely bedrooms. And we have this partly because the equality feminists forced us to believe that motherhood was parasitic, the housewife a leech." ~ James Tooley

There are so many things wrong with society today . . . enough to write multiple volumes . . . but don't worry.  I won't try to cram all of them into a single post.  I was reading back through old papers from my college days, and I ran across the quote above in a paper I wrote on how the mass entrance of women into the workforce during WWII coupled with the rise of radical feminism accounts for a large part of why our modern society is so messed up.  This post is the short version.

Women entering the workforce en masse in WWII helped the American economy stay afloat while our men were off fighting.  In no way is this a condemnation or a sneer at their gallant efforts.  In fact, the number of women in the workforce "rose from 14,600,000 in 1941 to 19,370,000 in 1944." Allan M. Winkler, Home Front U.S.A.: America During World War II.  These women in the workforce were a great aid during WWII as they filled the empty jobs left by the men called to be soldiers.  Furthermore, the women who worked during WWII still understood that their most important role was as wife and mother, and society as a whole supported this understanding.  "When the period of postwar adjustment comes, and their men come home . . . you will see women returning naturally to their homes."  Allan M. Winkler, Home Front U.S.A.: America During World War II.

During the war, the Children's Bureau worried that "group care for children under two would cause 'slower mental development, social ineptness, weakened initiative, and damage to the child's capacity . . . to form satisfactory relationships.'"  Allan M. Winkler, Home Front U.S.A.  Society understood at the time that "[b]abies need not to be taught a trade, but to be introduced to a world. To put the matter shortly, woman is general shut up in a house with a human being at the time when he asks all the questions that there are, and some that there aren't."  G. K. Chesterton, What's Wrong With the World.  The majority of women gladly and willingly returned to their hearth and home and family. 

Sadly, there were women who resented their expulsion from the workforce at the end of WWII, which built up over the next few decades and eventually ruptured into the Women's Liberation Movement, a movement that desired total equality of men and women in society, and many of the changes desired were just and good.  However, what these equity feminists failed to realize were the "real and obvious differences between men and women."  Walter J. Schu, The Splendor of Love.  They failed to recognize what society knew it needed to survive - that "Man was created and equipped to provide for and to protect his family--his wife and children.  Woman was created to bear and nurture the children."  Dee Jepsen, Women: Beyond Equal Rights.  These feminists treated the mother's role as parasitic and fought tooth and nail for equality in the workforce, defending their office "with all the fierceness of domesticity."  G. K. Chesterton, What's Wrong With the World.  At the root, these feminists sought to overthrow the norms of society and essentially become men, completely losing sight of their own unique, special, and necessary role in the home as wife and mother.  

As women rejected the home and obstinately remained in the workforce, their children left the home to be taken care of by others.  This resulted in a decline in the intellect and morality of each successive generation (as evidenced today by the state of marriage; the rise of divorce; abortion; morality; etc.).  If women do not raise their children, the family life and morality will suffer a permanent decline.  As women fought to demonstrate they could do it all, men lost their motivation to provide and protect their women.  The advocate of the single, working mother was the enemy of the traditional family.  When women were told they could do it all without a man, the men were listening too.  And this is what they heard: "Men aren't necessary. Women can do it alone.  Women and children are usually better off without men.  Breadwinning oppresses women and children.  Marriage and breadwinning can be hard.  Why do it, if you are only oppressing the ones you love?" Maggie Gallagher.  

As women rejected the family in pursuit of their career, they also rejected their children, which led to the rise in abortion and the use of birth control.  Feminists painted children as feminism's "biggest enemies."  Kate O'Beirne, Women Who Make the World Worse.  They argued that "the battle of the sexes can't be won unless women make war on the tiniest enemies of their independence."  Id.  These radical feminists view abortion rights as a necessity because they believe that the unique gift of being able to conceive, bear, and give birth to new human beings is merely a symbol of the inferiority of women to men.  They refuse to acknowledge that without women bearing and raising children, society would collapse.  "Children need their mothers.  Children need time with their mothers.  The bonding and emotional ties that develop between them affect children's personalities, attitudes, and values--greatly influencing the shaping of their character."  Dee Jepsen, Women: Beyond Equal Rights.  The mother has the most influence over the children during their most impressionable years, and yet the radical feminists managed to take that beautiful and noble role and twist it into something to be despised and feared.

In our modern society, where the traditional family is constantly attacked and abused, it is our duty to return to the roots of a traditional family.  To build up the women who are mothers and wives in our life.  To praise the role of mother and emphasize the immense responsibility and honor that role brings.  And similarly, we need to raise up the men who are fathers and husbands.  To encourage them in their providing for their families.  To praise them for their devotion and protection.  And to the children, we owe this debt.  To raise them in a world where the family is respected and revered.  Where a mother can choose to stay at home with her children without being questioned by society at large.  Where a father can support his family on a sole income and not receive flack from society for letting his wife stay at home with their children.