Child's Idea of "Fair"

"Why does Tommy get a cookie?  I want a cookie!"  This is a common approach of demand for children. One or other of their siblings or friends got something.  Rather than simply asking for the same thing, kids tend to justify their demands by pulling the "fairness" card, i.e. if Tommy gets a cookie, then I should get one too.  This phrase of request can lead to numerous problems: a) endless nagging from the "deprived" child until you can't take it anymore; b) instant gratification instead of patience; c) a lack in polite behavior; d) a frustrated parent struggling to explain why Tommy got a cookie and Anita didn't; e) a series of coaxing efforts to stop Anita's ensuing tantrum when told she cannot have a cookie just because Tommy has one.

Before examining each of these detrimental effects, let's look at the potential reasoning behind the child's phraseology in the first place.  As children, kids tend to have a purer sense of black and white justice or fairness.  If Tommy gets a cookie, so should Anita.  When this doesn't happen, Anita feels cheated of what she believes is rightfully hers.  Of course, there may be intertwined with the justice a simple want for whatever is at stake, such as the cookie.  Most kids seem to think that combining their request/demand with a "Tommy has one" phrase will get them what they want.  Such should not be the case.

A.  Endless Nagging.  When a child hears "No," they tend to question "Why?" oftentimes repeatedly especially if they are rather young.  (Of course, if you've taught your children that "no means no," you shouldn't have this particular problem.)  Children who question your reasoning tend to do so with whining, complaining and constantly dragging in the "but Tommy has one" in that annoying voice all kids seem to have.  Do not give in to their relentless stream of questioning as this will simply lead to more and more frequent questioning.  If they doubt your authority in the matter, proceed to the established method of discipline in your family.  Just because they ask more than once does not mean the answer will change.

B.  Instant vs. Patience.  If you simply bow to your child's demands instead of making them wait, they may develop a character of instant gratification.  By teaching your children to wait patiently rather than receiving upon demand, you help train their character.  This also leads into Point C: Polite Behavior.

C.  Polite Behavior.  By showing your children how to simply ask for what they want rather than trying to justify it, you teach them a very important lesson.  Ask and you shall receive.  They don't need to bring into the picture that Tommy has a cookie.  They simply need to ask for a cookie.  If they do so without complaining or demanding, they will generally receive what they ask for.

D.  Frustrated.  No parent likes putting up with a whining child.  Trying to come up with an explanation for why Tommy has a cookie and Anita does not can be exasperating.  The best answer is 3-fold:  a) The fact that Tommy has a cookie has nothing to do with whether Anita can have a cookie; b) complaints will not result in receiving the desired object; c) when a parent says no, the answer is no.

E.  Coaxing.  Some parents will resort to bribing the complaining child with promises of other treats.  This is not the correct approach.  Rather, life isn't fair.  At least not in the moment.  Children can have things special from their siblings.  Just because Tommy got a cookie does not mean Anita will get one.  

Ultimately, try to teach your kids two things.  First, that whether or not someone else has the cookie, it will not help them get a cookie themselves.  They just need to ask.  Second, (and this is in many ways more important), teach your kids to be happy for someone else's good fortune.  If Tommy has a cookie, rather than Anita demanding a cookie herself, she could be happy that Tommy has a treat.  Good luck instructing your kids with these characteristics.  It takes time and effort, but the final effect is worthwhile.

Family Traditions

I am continually realizing all the traditions and memories my family has created over the years.  These revelations have been occurring recently as I discuss holidays, most specifically Christmas, with other families.  I love being able to pass on something that my own family enjoys every years.  Yesterday, I shared a cookie tradition with a few families, and now I'm going to share it with you.  These adorable snowmen butter cookies are easy to make, lovely to look at, and most importantly, very delicious to eat.  Enjoy!

Butter Cookie Snowmen

1 c butter (no substitutes), softened
½ c sugar
1 T milk
1 t vanilla extract
2 ¼ c all-purpose flour
red and yellow paste food coloring
miniature chocolate chips

In a mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar.  Add milk and vanilla; mix well.  Gradually add flour.  Divide dough in half and keep ½ white.  Tint remaining white 2/3 red and 1/3 yellow.

For snowmen, shape white dough into 24 balls, 1 ¼ inch each; 24 balls ½ inch each; and 24 balls 1/8 inch each.  For bodies, place large balls on two ungreased baking sheets; flatten to 3/8 inch thickness.Place ½ inch balls above bodies for heads; flatten.

Shape red dough into 24 balls, 1/8 inch each, and 24 triangles.  Place triangles above heads for hats; attach 1/8 inch white balls for tassels.  Place red balls on heads for noses.  Divide yellow dough into 24 pieces.  Shape into scarves; position on snowmen.  Add chocolate chip eyes and buttons.  Bake at 325 degrees for 13-16 minutes until set.  Cool 2 minutes before carefully removing to wire racks.  Yield:  2 dozen.

Celebrating the Season

Sugar cookies are amazing.  Well, most cookies are amazing.  Today, I was able to participate in yet another reason why I absolutely love home schooling: baking cookies as a family.  In honor of the Feast of St. Nicholas, after the schoolwork was completed, an epic baking and decorating experiment began.  I mixed the dough, aided by a few very willing children (even if they were a bit sloppy with the flour.) :)  Afterwards, we rolled it out and cut stars and canes and images of St. Nick.  As I watched the kids squish out the dough and get creative with the shapes, I tried to focus on the beauty of it all (rather than the mess ending up on the floor.)  Being able to spend time baking with your kids rather than having them in school for 8 hours plus 2 hours of homework before dinner and bed is a true blessing.  Crafting cookies together as a family is just one of innumerable ways you and your children can bond.  Plus, the art of making tasty cookies is always a good skill to learn.  Then, more family arrived to help with the decorating.  The splendid glittery stars and brightly colored St. Nick's looked as delicious as they tasted.  It was wonderful to see the variety in the kids' imaginations as they combined marshmallows, candy, icing, and sprinkles in creative mixes.  No two cookies looked the same.  Each one portrayed the individuality and uniqueness of the kids.  We are in store for more cookie baking this Thursday in celebration of the Feast of the Immaculate Conception.

As I watch the kids work at inventing their colorful cookies, I fall back to fond memories of my own family Christmas cookie baking.  We have our own traditional cookies that grace our table each year: shortbread snowmen; chocolate golf balls; snickerdoodles.  We spend a few days before Christmas baking the cookies in preparation.  (Of course, not ALL of the cookies make it to Christmas.  We have to taste-test them.)  These memories of my childhood bring a smile to my lips as I witness new memories being made right in front of me.  Regardless of the fact that the kids probably don't think about the memories they're creating now, I know that they will one day look back at the traditions they celebrated and the family time they spent together.  Don't be afraid to continue the old traditions, even if your kids complain a bit.  Don't be afraid to begin new traditions.  It is never too late to create a memory.

Turning to the feast behind these particular cookies, I remember hearing once that people don't believe in Santa Claus.  That there is no such person, nor was there ever.  While I tend to agree that there isn't a man living at the North Pole with hordes of tiny elves at his command, I do believe most emphatically in the existence of Saint Nicholas, aka Santa Claus.  Saint Nicholas was born in the 3rd century to wealthy parents who raised him as a devout Christian.  His parents died when he was still young, and Nicholas used his whole inheritance to help the sick and needy just as Jesus commanded.  He became Bishop of Myra at a young age, and soon Bishop Nicholas was well-known for his generosity to all in need.  One of the most famous of stories concerning Nicholas' generosity is the tale of a man and his three daughters.  The girls had no suitable dowry, so on three separate nights a bag of gold was thrown through the window by Nicholas, supposedly landing in a stocking or a shoe (which led to the custom of children hanging out their stockings or laying out their shoes for gifts from St. Nick.)  For more information concerning St. Nicholas' story, please visit: St. Nicholas Center.


Therefore, to all the nay-sayers who state that Santa Claus is a simple myth, I reply to the contrary.  Santa Claus has come down through the centuries as a tradition inspired by the famous Saint Nicholas.  Indeed, Santa's outfit itself correlates to the clothing that Bishop Nicholas would have worn - red robes; a pointed hat; a staff.  Keep the magic of Santa Claus alive in your homes and remember the origin behind the tradition.  The stories and tales of both Saint Nicholas and the fables of Santa Claus teach virtues and an honorable way of life.  Generosity, above all else to be learned from these stories, is the most important.  If such a beautiful virtue can be instilled in your children, together we will create a happier and more peaceful and loving world.