Destination: Honeymoon

Glenveagh National Park

It's finally here!  In just a few days, my wonderful husband and I are setting off on our postponed honeymoon.  It crept up on me in a way . . . what with everything going on at work and at home.  And now I find myself in the last few days with a tizzy of preparation.

I thought I'd share my (international) travel checklist with you all . . . seeing as checklists are an immensely important part of my organized life.  :)

• Passports and all travel documents.  Plus copies.  Multiple copies.  And copies of your itinerary, flights, vouchers, etc.
• List of all destinations for ease of access.
• FOOD.  This is extremely important, especially if you're traveling (a) on a budget; (b) with short layovers; or (c) with specific food allergies.  Our layover flight there barely gives us enough time to get from flight A to flight B, let alone find food.  So packing enough substantial food is a must.  I'll be using my New Day Tote and the Thermal Tote as a carry-on for ease of organization and access to food.
• Layers of clothing, especially if you're unsure of the exact weather or how you'll adapt.  Going from Florida (where it's currently mid-70s and 80s) to Ireland (where it's likely mid-50s and rainy) means I'm packing pants with layers and shirts with layers.  And a bag (or three) to put the dirty clothes in so that they don't stink up the rest of your suitcase.
• Cash.  Especially whatever money is used wherever you're going - luckily for us, we received some EUROs for our wedding, so that's less we have to convert when we get there.
• All the chargers . . . and a converter plug if necessary.  Ireland (and many other countries) runs on a different electrical system than the USA.
• Extra batteries for your camera or other battery-operated devices.
• Any medication you're currently taking as well as aids for jet lag, headaches, etc.
• Ear plugs and a travel pillow, especially if you're going to be in the car or on a plane for an extended period of time.
• All necessary toiletries.  If you can check a bag, you can save some by packing your full-size ones.  If not, travel-size works great too.  I absolutely love my travel bags from Thirty-One, and you can get one similar to mine here: Jewelry Keeper (also useful for any small items); Shine On Jewelry Case (especially useful for tiny earrings); Glamour Case (for your makeup, but it also doubles as a great bag for pens and little travel things).
• A few travel entertainment items . . . but don't go overboard.  Mostly you'll likely be sleeping or resting on your flight (unless traveling with children . . . eventually I'll write a post on that).

County Donegal

Above all else, try to pack as many multi-purpose items as possible to cut down on your overall luggage.  After all, travel is about the road and the destination, not how many outfits you've packed.

I'm off to finish the laundry, prep the food, and pack the bags before we jet off on our fairy tale honeymoon!  If you've got tips for travel, comment!  

Tools of the Trade

As a budding homemaker, one of my joyful duties is meal preparation.  Since my husband and I both work full-time currently, he often steps in to help with dinner, which I greatly appreciate.  Typically, however, it is my honor and privilege to craft our meals - from the early morning tea to the packed lunches to the healthy dinners.  There are a few tools I use on a daily/weekly basis that make my meal planning and preparation so much easier.

First, actually creating a meal plan - even if I don't follow it to the letter.  Jotting down a week's worth of dinners before I head to the grocery store helps me plan my shopping and make sure I don't waste any food I've already got at home.  Plus, I KNOW there will be food to make because I have it planned out.  Granted, there are very few weeks when I actually follow the meal plan exactly, but it definitely keeps me from binge shopping and ending up with way too much food.

When it comes to lunch preparation, it gets a bit trickier.  My husband and I both commute to work, so I prepare a bagged lunch.  I try to stay away from grains or other carbohydrates, especially at lunch, since they slow down our functionality and increase our sleepiness.  So salads it is.  Now, that may sound boring . . . but you haven't seen my salads.  And my salads are "boring" . . . I'm not too adventurous.  But salads in my house typically include a combination of chicken and bacon, dressing, tomatoes, boiled eggs, walnuts, dried blueberries or apples, carrots, and more - all served over a bed of lettuce, of course.  For more salad ideas, I suggest browsing Pinterest.  That website has been a lifesaver when it comes to meal planning - both on a budget and with dietary restrictions.

I <3 how easy these tools make lunch preparation.

Packing salads for lunch can get dicey, especially with dressing and various types of foods.  Luckily, I have two amazing tools to pass on to you.  First, the Bentology Lunchboxes.  These are amazing.  They come with various sized containers that all fit within the lunchbox itself.  Two of the containers even have lids for those food stuffs with extra liquid.  There's even a salad dressing container that holds the perfect amount of dressing - no more over dressing your salads!  What makes the lunchboxes I have even more incredible is that they fit perfectly into the bottom of my Around-the-Clock Thermal bags from Thirty-One Gifts.  Once I've put these lunchboxes in the bottom (over an ice pack if necessary), there's still enough room to include additional food items (apples or such) and the bowl/fork needed for salad, and juice boxes.

I have to admit that there are days when I really don't want to make lunch.  Or evenings when I really don't want to wash the dishes.  But then I remember the joy that comes from fulfilling duties even in the midst of distaste.  (Or my amazing husband offers to chip in and help.)  Regardless, I believe any job gets easier if you have the right tools - and for me, the lunchbox and thermal tote are just the tools I need to prepare lunch every day.

A Budget Can Set You Free

My father taught me to handle money at a young age.  I had an allowance for several years, and various chores and babysitting gigs afterwards.  He had me balancing the family checkbook at age 11, and I got my own checking account at age 12.  Throughout my teenage and college years, he showed me how to craft a budget for myself.  And not just a "here's what I have and here's what I spent" budget.  A budget that grows and breathes with my income and lifestyle.  A budget that covers everything from rent to Christmas to trips to utilities and everything in between.

The first time you create a budget can be exhausting and overwhelming.  Don't give up!

Now that I'm married, my husband and I are adjusting our budget to fit the needs of our family.  I firmly believe that both spouses should be involved in the planning and plotting of a family budget; however, typically one spouse is more inclined to creating the general budget than the other.  Once that budget is created, there can, and should, be discussion as to where the money will go and what should/should not be purchased etc.  With my upbringing and head for details, I've willingly crafted our family budget.  We went through a month's worth of actual expenses this past weekend, and together, my husband and I discussed where we should be cutting costs and saving money.  I'm excited to see where this budgeting takes us, and I am so grateful that my wonderful husband is on board with the budget.

But you must be wondering (if you're still reading this post) just what my budget process is.  So I'll tell you.  And keep in mind that this process can work for any size household or any size project.  For example, I have used this process for my personal budget, and my father uses a similar one for the family budget.  I also used a similar process when budgeting for my wedding.  So here are my tips and tricks.  I hope you find them useful.

Sample budgets can help you remember ALL the expenses.

First, make a list of all your expenses.  Divide them up by weekly, monthly, or annual expenditures.  An Excel or Google Sheets file works wonderfully well for creating your budget.  These expenses should include ANYTHING you spend money on - from your typical rent, utilities, groceries, insurance, etc. to eating out, fun money (which I'll explain in a moment), clothing, etc.

Second, create two versions of your final budget.  The first is your estimated budget.  This is where you input what your estimated expenditures are by week, month, etc.  The second is your actual budget.  This is where you fill in the actual amounts that you spent over the course of a month.  The estimated budget helps you decide where your money should be going.  The actual budget helps you see where you money is actually going.  This helps immensely with seeing how much those trips to the gas station for potato chips or ice cream really add up.

Third, once you've added up your expenditures, you'll need to add a separate section for your income.  Ideally, you want your income to be greater than your expenditures each month.  The idea here is that if you have excess income each month, you can put that towards savings.  Approximately 1/3 of American households live paycheck to paycheck or hand to mouth.  Surprisingly, the vast majority of these families are ABOVE the poverty line.  The definition of living hand-to-mouth is not having much in the way of savings or a retirement account.  The trick to saving money is taking charge of your income.  Make your money work for you, not the other way around.  

What's your Latte Factor?

One popular method is the Latte Factor.  Check out this calculator to see how much you could be saving if you took your coffee or gas station stops spending and invested it instead.  If you took $5 unnecessarily spent every 3 days and invested it over a 25 year period, earning 8% interest, you'd increase your savings by $32,985.34 instead of simply spending $15,200 on your latte every few days for 25 years.  Kind of shocking when you see the numbers.

Fourth, on the flipside of saving money, don't stifle yourself.  Make sure that you budget money to spend on fun things.  A budget is not supposed to be a chain, tying you down and never allowing you to do anything except purchase the bare necessities and save the rest.  A budget is meant to give YOU the freedom to decide where YOUR money is going.  The trick is staying within your set budget.  It takes time and practice, but you'll get great satisfaction the more you succeed.  My husband and I both like to spend money on fun things throughout the month - art supplies; new books; bags; snacks; etc.  But we're also taking control of our income and choosing to limit the amount available for such expenditures.

Finally, keep in mind that your budget is not, nor ever will be, set in stone.  It is going to fluctuate each month as the prices of everything you purchase fluctuate or your income fluctuates or the number of people in your household increases or decreases.  But that's the beauty of having a family budget in place (especially in an Excel file).  You can adapt it month by month and year by year to fit your particular needs.  The most valuable aspect of creating and maintaining a family budget is knowing WHERE your money went.  If you can tell where it's going and curb your unnecessary spending (different from fun money), you can feel confident that you're being fiscally responsible and move on to the next issue looming in adult life . . . what to do with all your saved income! ;)  

I hope these were helpful!  If you have questions or would like assistance creating a budget of your own, please comment!  I also recommend you check out some of the many, many, many resources available to help you create a budget and start saving money today!

It's A Surprise

Ocqueoc Falls, MI

Growing up, our family went on quite a few "surprise" outings.  We (the children) were not told where we were going.  Just to get dressed, bring whatever needed (swimsuits; food; etc.), and get in the car.  As an oldest child and a type-A personality (for the most part), it was extremely hard for me NOT to be in control or to have knowledge of what we were doing or where we were going.  But every time, it ended up being a great trip.  My fondest memory of these trips is when my mother and my sisters and I were on vacation for the summer, and she took us to Ocqueoc Falls for the first time.  It was such a wonderful trip, and so much fun to swim in the falls.  It's a great memory (one that we repeated many times later), and I will always cherish it.

As I think about having my own children, I look back at these memories and think about how much they taught me.  I learned to trust my parents.  That they were in charge, and that my duty as their child was to follow their instructions.  I learned to go with the flow . . . well, started learning that anyway.  

Sidebar: That's a part of myself that I've been working on for years . . . basically my whole life.  I've never been very good at changing plans, especially last minute, or being late to anything.  I'm the "early = on time; on time = late" type person.  But real life is not that easy nor ordered.  It's messy.  And I've cried a lot of tears when reality didn't match my nice, neat, organized plan.  My nanny job helped immensely with my ability to "go with the flow" . . . they weren't exactly the most organized family.  Law school helped some, and my amazing husband has definitely helped the most.  I guess that's what happens when you pair me with a man who lives his life day to day, down to the wire.  Maybe a bit too close to the wire for my comfort, but we've been balancing each other out . . . and it's incredible.  The decrease in my stress levels when the plans change again is amazing.  Just one more skill I'm developing for when I have children.

Some day, I hope to have cute kids like this little girl.

Ok.  Back to the children.  And memories.  And surprise outings.  Given my growth in flexibility and spontaneity (which for me means planning something the day of or the day before rather than weeks in advance), I'm excited to create memories with my future children the same as my parents created with me.  I can't wait to toss them all into the van, pull out the drive, and take them to a museum or the beach or a park or whatever!  To share those experiences with them.  To expose them to the goodness that they can learn.  To soak up every moment.  (Another perk of homeschooling . . . the freedom to ACTUALLY DO THIS!)

And in the meantime, without children, I'm excited to create the same memories with my husband.  Whether it's a dinner out where we stumble across a music festival or a spontaneous trip to the beach, I'm blessed by his leadership and flexibility and ability to lead us on our lifetime adventure.

Encouraging Creativity

Being creative is good for your brain.  It can reduce stress and boost your self-esteem and feeling of accomplishment.  Art, through whatever medium, can accomplish this.  I recently attended a painting class for a friend's bachelorette party.  It was a lot of fun, and I enjoyed creating something!  I've been an amateur photographer for over a decade, and I always thought that was my mode of artistic expression.  

Art runs in my family, on both sides.  My maternal grandfather is a painter, a sculptor, a carver.  My paternal grandmother and aunt are painters extraordinaire.  My sisters are all drawers and designers.  And me, I take good pictures.  I never thought I had much hand for drawing or painting, which is why I've stuck solely with photography for so many years.  But that painting class drew my artistic blood out and got the creative juices flowing.

One thing led to another (with some helpful persuasion from my artist aunt), and I was walking out of Hobby Lobby with paints, brushes, and canvases . . . ready for a little foray into the world of painting.  Little did I know how much I would enjoy the creative work or how quickly I would want to paint more and more.

My first project, a letter "M" for my new last name, turned into all of the letters.  I really enjoyed this project . . . blending the backgrounds on the letters so that they coordinated and then adding different flowers to them and adding gold embellishments in the form of accents and quotations.  The results make me feel happy and joyful when I see them . . . and I know I'll keep painting or drawing or pursuing art.  And I will encourage my future children to do the same.

I likewise encourage you to pursue art . . . in whatever form you choose.  Give yourself the opportunity to relax and lose yourself in the work.  Don't focus too much on making it perfect.  Just make it yours.  Go outside and paint God's creation.  Let His handicraft inspire your own.

Living the Vocation

As I was folding laundry this weekend, someone mentioned how a housewife's work is never done.  And to a certain extent, they're right.  There is always something else to be done - laundry to wash and fold; meals to prepare and cook; rooms to clean and organize; people to tend and care for.  And in the midst of working a "normal job" full time (for the time being at least), it can seem overwhelming when I think about it too much.  But that's when I remember that I'm living out my vocation as a wife (and hopefully a mother soon).  I look at the piles of clean laundry and the scrubbed counters and the meals prepared, and I feel a sense of accomplishment and success.  Yes, I'm definitely tired and absolutely wish my alarm didn't go off at 6am every morning, but that hasn't affected my attitude towards my work.

Lunch!

My vocation is as a wife and mother.  I firmly believe that.  I've been married for a month already (time is literally flying by), and it has been amazing.  People ask how I like married life, and I tell them I love it.  And it's true.  I have a wonderful husband.  He encourages me and supports me.  He helps out when I need help.  And he always shows appreciation for the work that I do - packing lunch; doing laundry; keeping the house clean.  And I take great joy from creating a home for us to live in and to raise our future family in.  

As the days go by, I thank God for leading me down this path.  I'll be the first to tell you that I often felt that I was late to the marriage game (I wanted to be married with children right out of college).  But the past four years have shown me, more than ever, that God has a plan.  And how amazing that plan is when you submit to it and follow it.  God sent me to law school, where I met my husband.  And where I grew into a more confident, well-rounded woman, better prepared for my vocation and to support and help my husband in any way he needs.  

As this post rambles on, I realize I should get a little more organized with my posts in the future.  So I'll end with this: There is always hope.  You may feel stuck where you're at.  You may feel like God isn't listening or isn't helping.  But I want to assure you that faith and trust in Him, and willful submission to His plan will give you the greatest peace and sense of security.  Keeping in mind that our goal is Heaven, we can better get through our day to day life on Earth.

The Necessary Incompatibilities of Marriage

Divorce of Josephine and Napoleon.

There is the idea among many people in the modern age that any "incompatibility" serves as an indication that two people should not stay together, nor should they be required to adapt to those incompatibilities.  The advent of no-fault divorce perpetuated this idea through the United States of America.

Quite to the contrary, as Archbishop Fulton Sheen said, "We're not abnormal if we have certain tensions. . . . for example, a tension between body and soul . . . between what [an individual] is and what he ought to be."  There are tensions in all aspects of life and between all people.  Does that mean we should abandon our friends, ignore our coworkers, and push away our family?  Of course not!

Archbishop Fulton Sheen discusses marriage and incompatibility in the following video, and my discussion afterwards is a brief summary with my thoughts intertwined.

"Was there ever in the world a perfectly compatible couple?"  

Archbishop Fulton Sheen

I'm sure we've all seen the "perfect couple" - but more likely than not, we caught only a glimpse of what their relationship truly is.  In any marriage, as in any relationship, there are tensions between the spouses - between husband and wife.  These include the tension between things held in common vs. differences, sex vs. love (whereas the first can separate the act and the person, which is not good while the second incorporates the first and is concerned with the whole person.)  

How do we resolve these tensions?  Archbishop Fulton Sheen gives two methods, both applicable in marriage and outside of it, and both utilized at various points within marriage.

Wedding of Nicholas II and Alexandra.

First, he says, "The only way one can ever escape the mediocrity from a barrenness in love and affection is by some kind of sacrifice or self-denial.  Love never mounts to a higher level without a death to a lower level."  Married love is typically a life of ups and downs.  Some may think that that is just how married life is and that we simply need to weather the storms to arrive at the happy points again.  But that essentially stagnates a marriage, where the couple tends to simply co-exist and get through life rather than growing closer to each other and to God.  

How do we reach the higher level?  According to Sheen, "It [love] goes to a higher level through a sacrifice."  

"Marriage will go along in this dull, drab line or else be nothing but troughs and swells UNLESS every now and then there comes a moment where the ego is crushed.  There has to be the unfolding of a mystery.  Then there is something noble."  

It is in the dying to oneself and serving the other that love can truly grow and ascend higher.  It is through this mutual self-sacrifice between the husband and wife that draws them closer together.  A sample "crisis" is the birth of a new child.  "Egotism has to be crushed in the husband and wife [when a new child is born].  The new life demands some kind of surrender."  

As he says, "The only truly progressive thing in the world is love. . . . It feeds on only one kind of food - the crushing of the ego and the beginning of the living for another."  We are all called to be saints.  Some may say that sainthood can only be achieved by extraordinary sacrifice and monumental achievements for the Lord.  Rather, "[w]hat makes the saint is the one who is willing at each and every crisis of his life to make some act of self-denial.  Then love truly is an ascension, both the love of man for woman and the love of a soul for God."

The second method for resolving the tensions between these incompatibilities is an infusion.  "The richer helping the poorer.  The stronger helping the weaker.  There is such a thing as an infusion."  "It is possible to have an infusion between husband and wife."  Between husband and wife, infusions happen on various levels - physical; mental; spiritual.  Of these, the spiritual is the most important.  "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband." 1 Corinthians 7:14.  Fulton Sheen says, "The faith, the goodness, the virtue can pass from one to the other."  A husband can lead his wife to God, and a wife her husband, by their virtue and example and support.  One of the primary functions of marriage is to get your spouse to Heaven.  As St. Francis of Assisi said, "Preach the Gospel at all times.  When necessary, use words."  Our example to our spouse and to our children can be one of the strongest tools we have to assist them in their path to salvation.  There is another saying that you are the company you keep.  If your spouse keeps your company, and you are a faithful and virtuous example, they will begin to imitate you.  And vice versa.

Ultimately, in marriage and in life, 

"There are incompatibilities, but there must be.  Yes, the chase in a certain sense takes away the thrill of the capture, but there ought to be a way in which we can have both.  And there actually is, and that is Heaven.  When we capture perfect love, then we will need an infinity of chase in order to enjoy the eternity of the capture of that passionless passion and wild tranquility which is love divine."

Embrace them.  Seek the truth.  Pursue the faith.  Love your spouse and your children.  Put your all into getting them to Heaven, and they should do likewise.  And together, with God's abundant grace, you may attain it.