Manic Meltdown Mayhem

Have you ever had one of "those" days?  The days where nothing seems to go right?  When all of your children proceed to have major meltdowns and tantrums over the tiniest things?  You try to keep a calm, parental, authoritative demeanor, but inside you're pulling out your hair and wondering exasperatedly why all of your children have decided to break down at once.  Ring a bell with anyone?  That was the day today at my job.  The kids took it in turns to break down over the broken table that they didn't break, the checking of math problems, the stealing of a toothbrush, or the "mean" behavior of a sibling or two.  Needless to say, this day was not one of the sunshine and butterflies days.  Rather, it sets a fine example of some of the "worst" days of being a stay-at-home mother.  Let me explain.

This day, while stressful, provided numerous learning experiences for both parent and child.  The parent can observe the meltdown, discern the cause, and decide whether it is legitimate or not.  In some cases, such as the broken table, it is legitimate.  The child was blamed but innocent.  This does not make the meltdown proper behavior, but it does warrant a valid reason as to why the 7 year old boy is extremely upset.  Nobody likes to be blamed for something they didn't do.  On the other hand, the case of the checking math problems is totally inexcusable.  When the teacher (or parent) instructs the child to do something, there should be no tantrum meltdown.  If the child does not understand, they can ask for help and explanation (but should not interrupt until the parent is done instructing.)  After that, they need to practice the problems and checking on their own.  It is practice for making sure you write down the right answer and do the math correctly.  In such a case, the meltdown should be disciplined because it is unwarranted behavior.  

The third set of meltdowns occurred between the twins (who are 1 years old).  Twin #1 had a toothbrush. Twin #2 wanted the toothbrush and proceeded to grab it.  Twin #1 began bawling hysterically.  When Twin #2 could not get the toothbrush, he began screaming as well.  In this case, since you're working with infants, you can only attempt to mollify both of them.  I ended up finding another toothbrush for Twin #1 so that both babies were happy, and the next few minutes were peaceful.

Our fourth major meltdown of the day came when the 5-year-old felt injustice from the shove of her older brother.  Apparently, though, he had shoved her because she was breaking the rules in a game they were playing.  A game she had picked, I might add.  While her brother's behavior is inexcusable, she did not need to spend the next twenty minutes overflowing with tears over it.  Thus, she was sent upstairs until she could compose herself.  Personally, I would have sent her to bed.  When a child of that age throws such a fit, she or he is generally over-tired or excessively sugar-intoxicated.  In either case, sending them to bed accomplishes three things: 1.  It gets them out of your hair and away from everyone else.  2.  It puts them in a room alone where they can quiet down.  3.  More often than not, they will fall asleep and wake up much more refreshed.

The fifth (and final) meltdown of the day (at least to my knowledge) involved a friend coming to play.  Both the 3-year-old and 5-year-old wanted to play with the visitor, but neither girl wanted to share their friend.  Thus ensued much screaming and crying and complaining from each girl as they tried to defend their side and claim to the visiting girl.  In such a case, it is more difficult to discern the proper method of approach.  I would have separated all the girls.  The visitor would have to play by herself until the sisters could play together.  I understand the need for siblings to have time alone to play with their friends, but there should also be much camaraderie and sharing between all of them.  No one likes to feel left out.

Who's In Charge?

Anyone who has ever babysat before remembers being a little apprehensive on the first night.  You're unsure as to how well you can handle the children.  Will they respect your authority?  Will they set the house on fire?  Will they bicker all night?  Or will they be pleasant?  Will they help clean up and go to bed when they're told?  And if you don't get it right the first night, any subsequent evenings will just get worse.  So how do you make sure the evening goes as smoothly as possible for everyone concerned?  Here are a few tips that I find helpful.

1.  Ask the parents.  Before the parents leave for their night out, ask them to thoroughly explain the night time routine.  When and what do the children eat?  What are their evening chores (if any)?  What is the bedtime routine?  This last question requires a detailed answer including, but not limited to, where the bedrooms are; who sleeps where; what time do they go to bed; what is the bedtime routine; do the lights stay on or go off; do the doors stay open or shut?  If you know the answers to all these questions, bedtime should go smoother.  You won't have the wool pulled over your eyes by mischievous children who try to change the established routine due to your ignorance.  And you'll feel more confident about the whole evening if you have an established plan.

Be patient.  It pays off in the end.

2.  Discipline.  If you get a chance (and actually remember), ask the parents what the established method of discipline is and/or what you are allowed to do if a child misbehaves.  On the first night with a new sitter, many children will test the sitter by acting up excessively.  They want to see if you will submit to their shenanigans or stop the misbehavior at once.  It is up to you to remind the children who is in charge.  For example, a child should not tie you up or insist that you do what he/she says because they are in charge.  Rather, this child should be disciplined accordingly so that they understand you will not tolerate disrespectful behavior.  

3.  Play with the kids.  Too many sitters plop the kids in front of the TV and think that's all there is to it.  Not even close.  Babysitting is an important job.  Parents are entrusting their children to your care.  It is your job to take care of and entertain their children without burning down the house.  This means playing games and making sure that the kids are pleasant with each other.  

I'm sure there are many more tricks of the trade.  If you care to share, please fell free.

One last trick for all you current sitters:  I always find it nice to come home to a clean house, especially after a long night out.  You will earn the parents' undying favor if you take the time to clean up the kitchen after dinner and tidy the living room after the kids are in bed.  

To all the parents:  It is very helpful when you have the night time routine written down along with the kids names and ages.  That way if your sitter forgets a name they just learned, they can check the list.  Also, this way they have the bedtime set-up in hand to review after you leave.

Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness

We've all heard that phrase before, most likely voiced by our parents when we obstinately refused our bath or to tidy up our room.  As children we scoff and wonder how parents could make such an irrational statement.  As we grow older, however, we begin to realize how the statement actually has a double meaning for our lives.  The cleanliness spoken of refers to both outward and inward cleanliness.  Just as our physical appearance needs to remain orderly and clean, so too does our inner being.  If we appear upright and just on the outside, but fail to mirror that appearance within our souls, we become hypocrites. By keeping both our souls and bodies clean and pure, we hopefully create a fit temple for the Holy Spirit.  

To make something clean is to, quite simply, make something free from dirt, marks or stains.  This process applies to the soul as well when we try to keep it pure and innocent, uncontaminated by the sin surrounding us.  The purer we become, the closer to our Heavenly Father we approach.  As our persons mirror His purity and truth, we draw nearer to Godliness (or as close as unworthy humans can be.)  

So the next time your child complains about having to take a bath or tidy their room, remember this phrase.  Use it as a tool for explanation.  Explain to your children how keeping things neat and orderly shows respect for the gifts God has given us.  That keeping our bodies clean and well-kept shows deep respect for the greatest gift God gave us.  And finally, that as we strive to keep the world around us and our outward selves clean, we must also move towards a cleaner and purer soul.  This will eventually lead to a perfect union with God.

Lost Arts of the Home

I am constantly discovering how little children today know of simple things that I thought were part of daily life.  These are the little acts that form a homemaker.  Whether it is sewing or knitting, cooking or cleaning, many people in today's society are at a loss when faced with doing such things themselves (more so with the sewing and the like.)  Too few children are taught the art of a needle and thread, and this teaching is so sorely neglected that when a person can sew, they are viewed as a miracle worker.  

The art of sewing is a very simple one to learn, so simple that you can learn and then teach your children. I highly recommend instructing all of your children, girls and boys, in the proper usage of a needle and thread because at some point they will have a snag in their socks or a rip in their jeans.  If they know how to sew, they can easily remedy the disrepair.  Go through the basic steps of threading a needle (not as easy as it may seem), basic stitches (mainly the running stitch), and the numerous uses for sewing.

If your children are interested, further their knowledge-base by introducing them to the sewing machine.  My sisters and I have spent many long hours stitching away at doll clothes, blankets, or fancy dresses for ourselves.  The ability to create a wearable work of art from a pile of fabric and a pattern is a wonderful but sadly neglected skill.  If you know how to sew but haven't for a long while, try it again.  Pass it on to your children.  If you don't know how to sew, make sure to take it slow.  Don't start off your lessons trying to concoct a velvet cloak or a three-piece suit.  Such valiant efforts will come in time, but if you begin with such grand plans, you will most likely become extremely discouraged.

A final note: Your seam ripper is your friend.  It is no fun to rip out stitches and re-do them, but you will thank yourself in the long run when the finished project looks 10 times better.  Don't be afraid to start over and backtrack.  Take it slow, and make sure you read the directions very carefully.  Also, most patterns require a bit of common sense (or not so common, depending on the pattern.)  Read the instructions and try until you figure out what works.  Most things don't sound like they should work when they are explained out loud, but once you follow the directions, everything tends to work itself out beautifully.

Monkey See . . .

A child's mind is extremely impressionable from the earliest stages of life.  From day one, your little one is taking in knowledge and processing it, or at least attempting to do so.  As they begin to toddle about, they mimic their surroundings.  Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but it is also an excellent means of learning something new.  After observing the habits and actions of their parents or older siblings, a small baby about one year old may be seen walking about the house holding a puzzle piece to her ear and talking like she's on her own cellphone.  Or perhaps the same child enjoys watching you play Peek-A-Boo, and so she mimics your actions by covering her own face with a blanket and then pulling it down swiftly, resulting in giggles and beaming smiles.  (Yes, I observed both of these examples this week.  It was adorable!)

These innocent imitations, however, brought to mind how carefully we must guard our behavior around children of any age.  Just because they may not understand what is going on does not mean that they will not imitate what they see or hear.  We have to watch our language and our actions, as well as what we listen to on the radio and watch on the television (whether it is actually TV or movies.)  The first years of any child's life are among the most formative for their future character.  We should do all we can to preserve their innocence and childlike joy.  

This can be difficult in our modern world, especially if we ourselves have become immune or disregarding towards the evils of the world around us.  Often it is not until our children shock us by their behavior that we realize how much we are teaching them, even when we are unaware ourselves.  There's a country song by Rodney Atkins titled Watching You about a father and his son who copies everything his father does, whether it is swearing or praying by his bed.  The chorus goes:

He said, "I've been watching you, dad ain't that cool?

I'm your buckaroo, I want to be like you

And eat all my food, and grow as tall as you are?

"We got cowboy boots and camo pants

Yeah, we're just alike, hey, ain't we dad

I want to do everything you do

So I've been watching you"

These lyrics portray the true depth of belief in one's parents or other beloved figures.  This belief is one that everything they do is worthy of repetition.  A young boy learns how to be a man by watching his father just as a young girl learns how to be a woman by mimicking her mother.  Because of this fact, it is up to us to set as good an example as possible for the impressionable youth who will create the families of tomorrow.  We shouldn't allow our legacy to be one of degenerate children who don't know the truth or the unchanging code of right and wrong.  Every single thing you do is observed (even if you are alone), so let us form our lives into those of a true Christian.  If you can achieve that, you will be blessed by giving your children a fine example to model their own lives upon.

One Fish, Two Fish

Eventually I would like to write down a list of excellent books that all children should read at some point in time.  In the meantime, however, I shall spend a few moments praising a well-beloved author whose books bring so much into a child's experience and imagination.  These books are none other than the 46 creative tales from Theodor Seuss Geisel, aka Dr. Seuss.  His most widely known stories include The Cat in the Hat; One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish; Horton Hears A Who; Oh the Places You'll Go!; and, of course, How The Grinch Stole Christmas.  These wonderful works of poetic genius are stories that all people can enjoy, whether they are truly children or children at heart.  

Dr. Seuss' works have inspired many musical and cinematic productions, including a stage musical entitled  Seussical and a movie opening in March 2012 titled Dr. Seuss' The Lorax.  Because of the ingenuity and imagination found within Seuss' works, their simplistic style creates a bounteous selection for children of all ages.  While none of his stories deal directly with moral statements, there are lessons to be learned from each one.  These lessons vary from vanity is bad (as in the case of Gertrude McFuzz) or simply treating one another as equals regardless of outward appearances (as in The Sneetches.)  

When I was growing up, we had a VHS (old-school, I know) with a few Dr. Seuss stories in cartoon on it.  I always loved watching them.  The tales were entertaining and colorful, and as I look back on it, I can see the lessons I learned about fairness and how being stubborn doesn't always win.  I recently read Oh the Places You'll Go and was reminded of how the immortal words of that story apply to anyone embarking upon a new journey, whether it is a new job or college or simply an unexpected turn of events.  

Furthermore, the simple vocabulary that Seuss employs makes his books ideal for children as they begin to read.  The exciting and wacky stories will make learning to read more enjoyable.  You could even start with Dr. Seuss' ABC's going from A to the Zizzer Zazzer Zuzz.  I highly recommend having at least a few of his books (if not the entire collection) within your library.  You'll enjoy reading them again and again as the imagination of your children takes off in wonderful ways from the fantastic influences of the world of Dr. Seuss.  For a complete list of the classic Dr. Seuss stories, click here.

Where Do Babies Come From?

Every parent is faced with this question from their inquisitive and curious children at one point or another, and I'm sure it tends to pose an awkward situation unless you are already prepared for such an occasion.  What story do you tell your little one?  What explanation will suffice to quench the thirst for knowledge?  Will they understand what you mumble with a red face?  Or will they cease to believe you are the all-knowing parent?  We all know the famous "birds and the bees" story, or at least the saying.  Or perchance you choose the fable of the stork.  There's always the "Mommy swallowed a seed" approach.  And then there's the "When two people fall in love . . ."  Here's a few thoughts and insights into all of these potential paths as well as my personal explanation for where the babies come from (for little children.)

The Birds and the Bees:  I've heard this saying innumerable times, but I never really knew the meaning behind it all.  So I did a bit of research, and this is what I discovered.  This English-language idiomatic expression is used to explain the mechanics of how babies are made by referencing nature, i.e. bees depositing pollen and birds laying eggs.  It's origins are vague, and the whole concept seems to me rather confusing for a young child to understand.  But if it makes you feel better, by all means tell them this story.  

The Stork.  According to northern European legend, the stork is responsible for bringing a baby to new parents.  An ancient legend, popularized by Hans Christian Andersen, tells that storks found the babies out in the wilderness and carried them to houses in a basket or held in their beaks.  The folklore has spread from Germany and other European countries all the way to the Philippines and South America.  In addition, Slavic mythology believes that storks carry unborn souls to Earth, which belief persists in the modern folk culture in the simplified children's tale of storks bringing children into the world.  Regardless of where the myth originated, it's a pleasant story for children.  One must be very careful, however, when explaining it because other questions will inevitably arise: Who brings the stork's babies?  Why do you get so fat?  Why don't I ever see the stork?

The watermelon seed.  Yet another simple way of explaining away children's questions is the classic "Mommy swallowed a seed (watermelon; pumpkin; cherry.  Take your pick.)"  As your children get older, you can get into the whole truth of the matter regarding the sperm and the egg becoming the fruit of your loins.  


Two people fall in love . . .   This explanation is true, but it can be very confusing for young children.  They may take the statement a bit too far.  For example, two friends love each other; therefore, they are going to have a baby.  Or if you simply say, "When you love someone, and they love you back, that's when there's a baby," you may end up having to explain that your beloved pet dog or cat and your child will not be having babies.

It's a gift from God.  This is my favorite explanation.  Children are a blessing from God.  When two people fall in love and get married, they become one person in Christ.  (A hard concept for kids, but it's a hard concept for anyone.)  They take their love and their unity and, with God's divine assistance, they create a baby.  This baby has to grow inside Mommy for about 9 months because it is too weak to survive in the world on its own before then.  


When you're having a baby, and you have little children, it's always a nice idea (I think) to involve them in the process as much as possible.  When your tiny child begins to kick, make sure your other children get to feel the life inside of you.  Encourage them to talk to their baby brother or sister.  Help them think of ways they can help out around the house and take care of their new sibling when he/she is born.


Returning to the "birds and the bees" topic, your child needs to have "the talk" at some point.  You, as parents, are the ones best qualified to decide when and where that talk needs to happen.  Whenever you decide, make sure that you present the marital act as the beautiful and sacred gift that it truly is.  It is nothing to be ashamed of or hushed up.  Rather, it should be glorified and celebrated as God's gift to man for procreation and the continuation of the human race.  So, when you sit down to have the talk, if you're not embarrassed, your kids may be less embarrassed and shocked.  Work through it together, giving them "need to know" information.  But be ready to provide more in-depth answers should they (at a proper age) need more of a definition or explanation.  In the meantime, for all your little ones, prepare your little speech ahead of time so that when your tiny tot opens his or her mouth with that question, you won't turn beet red or begin mumbling.  You'll know exactly what to say.  And if you have any experiences or suggestions, please feel free to post them!